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In short, he wanted to find a theatrical paedophile to share his daughter.
One who might change the family fortunes for the better.
But Daddy’s rage was terrifying: he’d become unrecognisable, as if he’d lost his mind, and there was no stopping him.
It was no coincidence that he was a passionate supporter of Oswald Mosley — like the British fascist leader’s followers, he was a bully and tormentor of the vulnerable. ’ Everything changed, though, when I reached the age of 11 and entered puberty.
Indeed, until my early 20s, the very thought of sex was repugnant to me.
So, although I was always the prettiest girl at the party — the belle of the ball, the one whom everyone said was the spitting image of Elizabeth Taylor — I had the reputation of Fort Knox. But love, of course, has a way of changing everything.
Once, I was rushed to hospital with acute mastoid infections behind both ears — which were to leave me permanently deaf in one ear. He didn’t congratulate me on passing the dreaded 11-Plus exam.
And later, when told I’d won a state scholarship to become an art student, he turned away and went out to prune the roses.
During my five years there, I was engaged three times — but my fiancés were only ever allowed to kiss me goodnight.
On the night we met, I gave James my virginity on a gilded plate, and in return he taught me the joys of physical love.
Of my many subsequent lovers, he is the one I thank for making me the woman that I am today.
In fact, I didn’t divulge the secret to a soul until I was in my mid-60s, and mulling over some childhood memories one day with my older sister. The memory is still pin-sharp: I’m an infant in my nightdress, sitting on Daddy’s knee on the staircase leading up to my bedroom. The risks he took, often with other people about, were enormous — as if he were gambling on being found out.
As we listen to my mother’s pounding piano behind the parlour door, he introduces me to the ‘game’ that will have far-reaching consequences. ’That was the start of the secret that Mama must never, ever, discover. I often wanted to run away — but, of course, a part of me also wanted to please Daddy.Nothing has ever compared with what we had together: the warmth, the shared wit, the mutual affection, the sexual attraction so potent that we could barely sleep.